


An Absence of Light

by Always111



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars- The Rise of Skywalker
Genre: Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Ben Solo is a Mess, Don't Judge Me, F/M, I Don't Even Know, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren Redemption, Lightsaber Battles, Movie: Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Movie: Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-27
Updated: 2020-01-28
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:00:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22442203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Always111/pseuds/Always111
Summary: Kylie is a Storm Trooper who is sick of the Dark Side. Everybody has their personalities drummed out of them, her friends mutinied long ago, and the supreme leader sucks. But Kylie realizes there might be a little more to him then everybody thinks... maybe it's not all darkness inside...On a quest to save her friend, Kylie is forced to play the double agent in a relationship that could just end it all...
Relationships: Ben Solo | Kylo Ren/Original Female Character(s), Ben Solo/Original Female Character(s), Kylo Ren/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 1





	1. Yes, Sir.

It all started at light-up, when I realised I'd left my armour padding in the mess hall. That was only the beginning. 

Zori had been out on a mission yesterday afternoon, and she hadn't returned. Phasma informed my quadrant that morning that the full firing squad had mutinied and gotten away, without a word. I knew I was going to miss that woman. She was my best friend.

It's not like it was a surprise, because Zori and I had quietly plotted escape missions in the dark of light-down on the command ship, in our narrow bunks, wondering what life was like with the rebellion. We had both grown up together, and had many similarities despite our complete opposite appearances. 

Zori had dark skin and beautiful, curly hair. I was pale and had long, reddish-blonde hair that I wore twisted into a braid at the nape of my neck. Zori was tall and muscular; I was small and slim. Other troopers used to call us 'cat and mouse' and laugh as we walked past. But we didn't care because we had each other.

But now Zori was gone, life would suck. The supreme leader was getting stronger and the commanders were stressed, stretching our work hours to a maximum and making us skip meals in the mess hall to patrol outside Ren's chambers. Zori had told me just yesterday that he was aiming at being a new Darth Vader.

"Trooper 1924, please report to your quadrant's captain." the PA system crackled. I sighed and pulled on my helmet, tucked a blaster into my belt and began the march toward Phasma's chambers. She was waiting outside the door. I walked up and stood silently before her. Phasma spoke.

"Trooper 1924, I have received intelligence that you and 1346 were close."

I nodded. "Yes, captain."

"You knew her well, then. Did she ever talk about mutiny? About the rebel scum?"

"No, captain."

She paused, silently looking me up and down. Her voice grew cold. "Tell me everything you know about this woman, Trooper. Your life may be on the line."

Two hours and a lot of pain later, I lay on the floor of Phasma's chambers, my body aching. Phasma stood over me, her spear at my throat.

"So, she talked of mutiny to you." Phasma might have been smiling under the helmet. "And you did not report to us. Trooper 1924, you are officially a traitor and condemned to die."

My heart beat sped up and her words rang in my ears. This was it. I was going to die a nobody, without a weapon, without ever standing up to the First Order. As Phasma raised her blaster, I automatically threw out my hand to block, and Phasma was thrown across the room. An odd feeling came over me... As if I was full of power, of spirits of others gone before me. I wondered if I was dead, but no, I was alive and had managed to throw my captain across the room without touching her. I breathed in, out. The power faded from my body. In, out.

I fell to my knees. Phasma did not move. And a cold voice spoke behind me. 

"What is this?"

It was muffled, as though talking through a mask. My lips went numb with fear as I slowly turned to behold Kylo Ren, the supreme leader himself, his mask in place, the lightsaber handle hanging from his belt. He looked down at me. "You have the force. I see it. I could feel it. But I have never seen this before..."

"The force?" I whispered. I'd heard of it, plenty of times, when I was being trained. Being told again and again that the Force is a power to be feared, and that is why Snoke is beheld with such dread, why Kylo Ren ascended the ranks of the First Order with apparent ease. I didn't have the force. Surely not. And yet... I had knocked Phasma unconscious without touching her. It was all too much.

Phasma stirred and raised her head, immediately taking in the sight of Kylo Ren and my sorry self crumpled at his feet. She jumped to her feet and snapped to attention. "Sir, this Trooper has been condemned to death for association with rebel..." She was cut off and began to choke. I saw Kylo Ren's hand above my head, slowly crushing her windpipe. He raised her into the air and let her drop.

He turned to me and I scrambled back, but he did not make a move to hurt me. "Come with me." He ordered, and swept out of the room.

"Yes Sir," I said quickly and followed behind, my heart thudding. I guess my life was never going to be the same again.


	2. Raw Power

I was led to what I supposed to be Ren's own chambers, all white and rather large. The doors closed behind me as I entered and Ren turned to face me. 

"Take off your helmet, let me see your face," he said. I felt a little shock of anger. No one got to see my face. Nobody.

"Only if you do," I shot back, immediately regretting it. I expected him to kill me on the spot, but instead he raised a hand to his helmet and pulled it off. 

The face he revealed surprised me. I'd expected an old, scarred man, but this was the face of a young man, with soft brown eyes. A scar ran from his forehead to the collar of his robes. He had shoulder-length black hair and dark lashes that framed his eyes. I hesitated, and then pulled off my helmet, revealing my face. Green eyes and a turned-up nose, pale skin... and a scar from the corner of my right eye to my lip, making it look like I had tear marks. I hadn't shown my face to anyone but Zori, and I felt a little insecure as his brown eyes scrutinised my features. When he spoke, his true voice was deep and nasally, but quite rhythmic. 

"What is your name?"

I hesitated, feeling wrong-footed with the unfamiliar question. "Kylie."

His face betrayed no emotion. I let my eyes drift around my surroundings, noticing, with a look of disgust, that Darth Vader's skull was sitting on a pedestal. Kylo Ren moved toward me slowly.

"I felt the power you had when you attacked the captain," he said, coming closer. I took a step back. "I can teach you how to control that power, Kylie. Together, we could rule. Your power and my power." he had come so close I could see every eyelash. I swallowed nervously. "Kylie. You will be a leader. Join me."

He held out a gloved hand, and I hesitated. "What choice do I have?" I asked, not taking the hand. "You'll kill me if I do anything else."

"No I won't," he said, looking into my eyes. I took a step back, away from his hand, and in my fear felt that power take over me, reaching for something... that was hanging from his belt...

He felt what I was doing just as the lightsaber flew toward me and suddenly the weapon was hovering between us, almost breaking apart as we pulled for it. I looked with fear into his face as he pulled back, strong, much better at controlling the force then I was, and I felt my hold slipping. The lightsaber flew back into his hand and lit up at his side. The power was out of my control. I felt it move around me, smashing the pedestal, breaking a light above my head, as I screamed in fear at what was happening. I could feel everything around me, sense the light and dark within Ren, but I couldn't withdraw it. 

I felt my conscious tipping into his mind, and there were flashing visions... A woman, holding a young boy in her arms... A man, standing over that same boy with a lightsaber glowing green... a fire raging, destroying the building, killing the children that screamed as they tried to flee... An old man, standing in front of Kylo on a bridge, a smile on his face. "Ben," he whispered, and that whisper echoed in my head, louder and louder, until a burst of red shot through the man, his body toppling off the bridge, and my eyes flew open with a final scream.

He was standing over me, that same lightsaber in his hand, his eyes wild and sweat dripping from his face. His other hand dropped to his side as he looked at me, my terrified eyes.

"This is why you need me," he said. "This raw power will destroy you."

I sat up, remembering what I had seen. The death and despair, and a name... "Ben?" I said out loud, without meaning to speak, but Kylo Ren (Ben?) spun around, fear and shock on his face. 

"Don't call me that!" he roared, his lightsaber pointed at me again, a truly feral expression on his face. I scrambled backwards, hitting the wall. "I don't want to kill you, but I will if you endanger the First Order. Join me. You need to control the Force, Kylie."

I looked up at the gloved hand, and I knew he was right. I had to learn how to use the force. I took the hand and he pulled me to my feet. "Take the chambers across the hall. Tomorrow you must leave this ship. The emperor would have you killed if he knew..." he trailed off. I left the room and into the opposite chambers, my body aching and my mind filled with images of Ben and his memories. Something was familiar about those memories, like I knew the people. I removed my Trooper outfit and lay down on the hard bunk, exhausted and fearful of what was to come.


	3. Rebel Scum

That night, I dreamed.

Perhaps the unexpected trip into Ren's mind had unearthed old memories of my own, but suddenly, bits and pieces were coming back to me. I hadn't always lived her.

The first thing I remembered was waking up at the feet of a First Order general, blinking in confusion. Asking where I was and who I was. They told me I was 1924 and a loyal Storm Trooper. They told me I'd always lived with them, that the dark side was my home.

I didn't believe them.

Because although almost every memory was gone, one had remained; a voice, whispering a name. _Kylie _. A woman's voice. My mother.__

__Over time, I'd realised something major had happened to me to cause my memories to disappear, lock themselves away. Only someone who was truly powerful in the force could cause someone's most treasured memories to wipe, or lock away. Only a Jedi._ _

__But from what I'd seen today, the light wasn't the only side with the force._ _

__Zori had hoped I had the force. We used to exchange dreams and stories about what I'd do with all that power, healing people and fighting monsters. But over time, as we got older, we knew those stories were futile. Storm Troopers weren't allowed to dream._ _

__I turned over in the bunk, a dent digging uncomfortably into my shoulder, wide awake. With this newfound force I could sense everyone. I could feel the light in each person that strode the floors of this ship, sense their emotions. In everyone but the room opposite mine. That was almost a void, completely blocked from my view._ _

__The force didn't feel uncontrollable and frightening now. It felt like a part of me that had always been there, but had not been awake. And even more so was the memory of holding Ben's lightsaber, for a moment it had felt..._ _

__Wait..._ _

__I didn't hold it, did I? I scrunched up my nose to try to remember better, and realised. The memory of holding a lightsaber came from something else. Somewhere else, long ago. I tried to picture it. Yes, a two-handled lightsaber. Glowing red..._ _

__No!_ _

__I sat up in the bunk and hit my head on the bunk above mine. I yelped in pain and stared into the half-light of my room, horrified. If the weapon I remembered was real, then I had been fighting with an elite Sith weapon._ _

__Before I could work anything else out, an odd feeling overcame me; as if I was being watched. I turned to the right and saw, with a shock, Ren, his back to me. He turned slowly and we had a long moment of connection._ _

__"What is this?" My voice echoed a little, warped by whispers of the force. I could tell he wasn't really here._ _

__"The force, it seems to be connecting us." his voice echoed too, muffled. He turned and looked around. "Can you see my surroundings? I can't see yours. Just you."_ _

__"Why are you helping me?" I asked, looking desperately into his eyes. "I almost killed my captain, and ruined your room. I'm unstable..." he cut me off._ _

__"You need to learn how to control this, that's all. Turn away from the past." His voice echoed a little more, and he grew blurry around the edges. "I'll be here at light-up. Be ready."_ _

__He faded, and I looked straight through him to the wall behind. Sighing, I sat back down on the bunk. I wouldn't be able to sleep after that._ _

__*****  
The door opened and a uniformed man stood there, looking nervous. He made a shushing noise as I opened my mouth. "Follow me! I'll take you to him."  
He looked left and right before ushering me out into the corridors. We hurried along deserted corridors, watching for Troopers, treading lightly. We were headed for the Trooper's entrance. A single star destroyer was waiting in the middle. The whole room was abandoned._ _

__"Get on board, quick!" said the nervous man, scurrying off. I climbed the ramp, which immediately closed behind me. In the driver's seat sat Ren._ _

__I opened my mouth but he shook his head. Looking around, I was going to have to squeeze in beside him to close the door. I did so, him looking uncomfortable at the close range, and once the door closed I slipped around his chair and sat on the floor, my knees under my chin. We took off and out into the stars._ _

__I stared out at the massive expanse of space and my breath caught in my throat. I'd never seen it close up. I'd always been on the command ships, or on the ground fighting. The star destroyers were for elite first order pilots. I could feel every movement beneath me and let myself zone out, away from Ren's somewhat unsettling company, letting the destroyer's movements send me to sleep._ _

__"Wake up, Kylie."_ _

__I awoke with a jump, seeing Ren standing over me. We had landed somewhere, and I was in his way._ _

__I scrambled to my feet, and we both realised that the door needed to be opened from behind me, so I did an awkward shuffle around him, trying not to brush his body. The door opened and I followed him out into what seemed to be a large desert, filled with creatures dancing. Wreaths bounced on their chests. I stared out in amazement._ _

__"Wow," I said softly, and Ren looked at me in surprise? Disgust? Longing? A mixture? And then strode out into the sand._ _

__We had only gotten a metre when he froze and flung out a hand, catching me full in the chest. I made an 'oomph' sound as I hit the ground, a bullet whizzing over my head. I scrambled to my feet, seeing Ren's lightsaber illuminate behind me._ _

__"She's here," he said quietly. "Get in the ship. We're too far away."_ _

__"Who?" I asked, confused, but he gently pushed me back toward the destroyer and squashed against the wall as Ren took the seat again. We began to race along the sand, and as we rounded the corner I saw, in the distance, a figure of a woman standing in the sand, facing us, lightsaber extended. We sped up, going faster toward her, and I screamed as we reached her and she jumped up. Almost in slow motion, I watched her flip over us, slicing through the wing of the destroyer like butter, and the whole machine sped along the sand, jerking and bouncing. I was thrown over the seat out of the window and landed hard in the sand in front of the woman. In the distance, the destroyer blew up._ _

__"Ben!" I screamed, struggling to my feet, but I heard the lightsaber and instinctively ducked. One hand shot out and ripped the lightsaber from her grasp, where it dropped to the floor. She stared at me._ _

__"Who are you?" I asked curiously._ _

__"I'm Rey."_ _


	4. With the rebels

"I'm Rey."

I blinked and realised this must be the 'she' Ben had talked about, back in the village. I could feel power rolling off her in waves of light and darkness. She had just as much power as me, but she could control it. I moved away as we sensed a disturbance in the force and turned to see Ben walking out of the fire toward us.

"Thank god," I breathed. 

The Lightsaber flew back to Rey's hand and she hung it on her belt. "Who are you?"

"Kylie," I replied. "I'm not with the first order. I know I was with Be- I mean, Kylo Ren, but I really have been trying to mutiny for..." she cut me off.

"If you're with the rebellion, come with me."

"Rey!" screamed a voice from behind us, and a man raced out from behind the cliff, pointing to a ship that was just taking off. "They've got Chewie!"

He was pointing at the ship that was just taking off. Rey flung out a hand, pulling the ship back toward us, and opposite us, Ben did the same. I moved back toward the man, who blinked at me in surprise. "Are you first order?" he asked brusquely, his hand going to a blaster. I shook my head.

"I was with them, but I don't agree with them. I used to be Trooper 1924."

His jaw dropped. "You were a storm trooper?"

I opened my mouth but in the distance, there was an explosion. Lightning seemed to be coming from Rey's hands. I could see that Ben was toying with her control, pushing her. The man opposite me screamed 'no!' and ran toward Rey, who had dropped her hands and was staring in horror at what she'd done.

"Rey, come on!" he roared, trying to pull her away. With one last look at the destruction and Ben's face, she ran with us, back to the ship on top of the cliff. I felt his eyes on my back but I didn't hesitate. I could no longer stay with the supreme leader. I had to get away.

Back on the ship, we were greeted by a young man with curly hair and dark eyes who ran to the controls as soon as we were onboard. Rey collapsed into a dusty chair and the dark man crouched down beside her.

"Who are you guys?" I asked, confused, and they all looked at me as if they'd forgotten I was there. 

"I'm Finn," said the dark man kindly. "That's Poe, driving the ship, this idiot over here is C3PO," he patted the arm of a golden humanoid droid, who looked over his shoulder as if expecting to see a different idiot. "The other droid is BB8, and I guess that one's cone-head." A circular droid rolled over and beeped at me, and a smaller, much slower droid said "hello."

"So, who're you?" Poe called from the controls. I introduced myself and told them what happened to me, what I'd done with the force and that Ben had taken me to goodness knows where. I found that I had joined a group of rebels who were trying to find the Sith leader, Palpatine, which struck me with horror. 

"So you've crossed paths with Be- Kylo Ren before?" I asked Rey. "Something about you... the force connected you two, didn't it?"

She looked up, and nodded, her face distressed. Finn put a hand on her arm. "Rey, it's not your fault."

"Yes it is, Finn." She said quickly, her voice angered. "You saw what happened. That was me. I lost control."

"Rey- I know you. I know that you would never hurt anyone..." Finn trailed off when he saw tears springing to her eyes. She stood up.

"Everyone keeps telling me they know me," she snapped. "I'm afraid no one does."

She pushed past Finn and strode off to the back of the ship, leaving Finn looking distressed. Poe appeared from the control room. 

"I've set course for Kimiji." he announced. "Got to keep the trail going, without the dagger. 3PO's memory bank is the best we got."

The droid looked uncertain. "Master Poe, I object to your plan for..." he was cut off.

"3PO, it's what would save the galaxy. We have to do this." Finn nodded at me. "Whatever it takes."

"FN-2187?" It hit me, where I'd heard his voice. He smiled and I raced forward to pull him into a hug. I had missed him when he left. Although we hadn't spent too much time together, I'd always liked his kindness and empathy for others. He deserted over a year ago. "You got out!"

Poe stared at me with distrust. "You're a trooper?"

Finn playfully shoved him and put an arm around my shoulder. "She's good, Poe. Calm down."

Lightspeed sped up and Poe disappeared back into the control room. Finn looked me up and down. "There might be some clothes on the ship," he suggested. I looked down and realised I was still wearing the first order casual appearance, black uniform and shoes. I looked around at the ship and spotted what might have been a bedroom. Inside there was a simple scavenger outfit, made for a woman, dusty but in good condition. There was a stain on the hip which I ignored.

When I entered the main room, Rey stared at my outfit, her eyes unfocused. "Where did you get that?"

I flipped my thumb toward the room I'd exited and she immediately walked in there. Finn shrugged at me.

"We're here!" called Poe.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave Kudos and Comments... I value your feedback very much xoxo


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